Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
