You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
