i just wanna soil my oats bro
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
