So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
