I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
