So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
