Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
