Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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