my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Holy shit dude........stairs
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
