How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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