At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
