i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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