Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
