you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
