my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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