Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
