after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize