i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize