Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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