If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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