This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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