I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
