What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
