I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
