other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
