Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
