All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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