I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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