Where is the hickey?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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