did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
