Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
