I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
