If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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