i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
