When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
