found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
