I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I still have a little drunk in my system
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
