What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I was not drunk enough for that final.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
