I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
