He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
