Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
