So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
