i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He better not be in your backpack
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
