You're so nebulous sometimes
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
