Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
