babies were throwing up all over the place
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
