neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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