cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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