I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
