i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
