I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize