my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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