Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
