My nipple is on Facebook.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
