dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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