So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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