worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
