I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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