I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
