Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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