Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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