K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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