Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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