No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
