How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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