Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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