Banned from zoo.
Again?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I need a burrito and a hug.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
