Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
