Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
