how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
