Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Be still, my beating vagina.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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