Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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