you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize