well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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