Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
