Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize