You really coming over, don't trick.
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
